A Gift Only A Father Can Give
The ultrasound confirms it. Soon you'll be the proud daddy of a baby girl. You don't know me, but I want to help
you be a better father.
I pray as you get ready for the arrival of your precious bundle and acquire items for her nursery that you'll get
rid of something from your home.
That something is pornography.
My life has been altered drastically because of my father's pornography, so I pray you'll consider this matter
seriously. As you wait for your daughter's arrival, you may be worried about providing for her financially.
Think also about how you'll provide spiritually and emotionally. Renouncing and ridding your life of pornography
will help your daughter in these areas more than you could ever know.
Here are a few points that may help you embrace this challenge:
Don't assume "she'll never find out." That's probably what my father thought. He didn't realize
how curious little girls can be. Just as I snuck into my mother's jewelry box and tried on each piece, I also
explored my father's office. To this day, he doesn't know I found his stash of Playboy magazines.
Just ten years old, I looked through them again and again. As I did, I felt confused—emotionally, spiritually,
sexually. Only years later did I realize those pictures stole my innocence, invaded my purity. Porn left me
feeling an insecurity about body image that has lasted my whole life. My respect for my father and my trust of
men shattered as well. I wondered, "How can a man who goes to church every Sunday look at these?"
Even if she doesn't find your porn, it will still harm her. Even if I'd never found my father's
pornography, his looking at it would still have affected me. My father expressed anger often. Later I decided
part of this may have been because he battled guilt over his secret life.
Men who view porn perceive women differently than those who don't. Porn keeps men from growing and discourages
intimacy with real people. Looking at porn robs your daughter of time that should be devoted to her or to your
pursuit of God. As one man wrote during his battle with pornography, "Porn rots the soul." How can that not
affect your little girl?
If you look at porn, you won't see your daughter. As porn desensitizes you, you won't notice
the emotional and spiritual needs of your little girl. Instead you'll think about how to fill your need for
porn. You won't see your daughter's need for you to help teach her about sexual purity. How can you do that
if you don't practice it? You won't see your daughter's longing for you to tell her positive things about her
appearance—to communicate "you're beautiful." Nor will you cherish her as a young woman and instruct her in
what to look for in a young man.
My father provided none of this—I believe, at least in part, because of porn. I married someone who had a porn
problem, and my daughters were also scarred by porn.
At times I've cried when I think of how different my life would be if my daddy had kept porn out of our home.
I've forgiven him, but even at the age of 57, I'm still working—with God's help—to overcome pain that porn
inflicted on my soul.
So please precious father-to-be, save your daughter from the kind of hurts and heartache I've been through.
Protect her innocence as only you can. Give your baby girl a gift only you can give her—a home without
pornography. One day she'll be deeply grateful you did. And you'll be glad, too.
Someone who cares about you and your baby girl
Emma Chambers is a pseudonym for a writer living in the Southeast.